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Diatribe: Nincompoops In The News.

01/27/2014

NincompoopsSome days it’s hard to believe some of the ridiculous things in the news.  Every once in a while I’ll hear a story or read a headline and I have to ask myself “Wait a minute … was this published on one of those satire websites like The Onion?” or “Did I miss a sketch on the last episode of Saturday Night Live”?  But then, after a little bit of investigation, I learn that the story is true.  There were quite a few examples of nincompoops in the news this weekend.  Here are a few examples:

TurnerOklahoma Rep. Mike Turner is proposing a bill that would prevent the state from recognizing any marriages as a response to a federal judge’s ruling striking down the state’s ban on same-sex marriages earlier this month Turner, and his fringe supporters, claim that “this is what Oklahomans want”.  According to the United States Government Accountability Office (GAO) there are 1,138 statutory provisions in which marital status is a factor in determining federal benefits, rights and privileges for married couples.  It’s highly doubtful that even the most conservative voters in Oklahoma would be willing to give up these rights simply to keep their gay neighbors from having access to them as well.

Stuart Shepard, host of Focus on the Family’s CitizenLink, explained in a new video how when there’s a “tie” between Christians and other protected classes, the Christians always “lose”.  Using the example of the Oregon bakery owners who were found guilty of unlawfully discriminating against a gay couple when they cited their religious beliefs in their refusal to bake them a wedding cake, Shepard essentially claims that Christians face discrimination when they are not allowed to discriminate.  The buffoonery is becoming increasingly desperate.

CatPartyA high school student in Buffalo, New York, was hired by a family to watch their cats while they were vacationing in Costa Rica.  The unidentified girl threw a party for about fifty people at the house that resulted in thousands of dollars of damage to the family’s home.  They returned from vacation to find the cat sitter trying to clean up the mess but the destruction was quite considerable and included human feces, urine and vomit in numerous locations, broken furniture, multiple used condoms strewn about every floor and evidence of drug use.  The homeowners fear their feline companion may be traumatized.

RevLarsonReverend Bob Larson of Scottsdale, Arizona, made headlines this weekend when it was discovered that he offers his services as an exorcist via Skype.  The practice of exorcism has been around for thousands of years but, thanks to the age of technology, the evangelical Christian reverend says he is getting a chance to help people possessed by demons all over the world.

“In simple terms, an exorcism is the process of expelling an evil spirit from an individual who has become somehow invaded and demonized by that being, and sending it back to hell and freeing the person.  It’s real.  There would be no reason to theatrically stage this for any reason.  Why would anybody do that?  I have no idea.” – Reverend Bob Larson, Skype Exorcist.

Larson, whose hijinks have made headlines in the past, says he’s performed more than twenty thousand exorcisms and he’s confident that there will never be a shortage of the devil’s demons.  Sadly, there will probably never be a shortage of customers seeking his services.

Nincompoops are in the news all the time.  Sometimes you have to do a double take to realize that the stories are real.

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One Comment
  1. The Exorcist movie may have been lacking if done by Skype.

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