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Diatribe: Goose Induced Traffic Jams.

05/07/2014

GeeseI’ve made great progress in combating what could have been a severe case of Chronic Road Rage.  I’ve learned to expect my fellow motorists to do the foolish things that used to make me angry and now it’s become a bit of a game for me.  I call it Can Anticipate The Stupidity Of That Driver?  I get mental points every time I’m right.  (I got several points this morning from one lady who, apparently, thought her mini-van was NASCAR-worthy.)

Still, however, I continue to be frustrated by traffic jams that appear to be caused by nothing at all.  When interstate travel comes to a complete stop I expect there to be a legitimate reason … road construction, an accident, etc.  When the normal traffic flow resumes and there appears to have been no reason for the congestion it’s very frustrating.  I think I might relapse into a state of advanced Road Rage if I learned that I’d been sitting in traffic for two hours because of a few geese.

On Monday evening, seven geese … two adults and five goslings … were escorted to safety from a busy Chicago-area highway during rush hour.  The geese received a special police escort that stopped traffic for more than an hour.  Apparently, a couple of random drivers (whom many are calling “Good Samaritans”) had initially used their vehicles to keep the birds safe before police showed up.

I’m sure the birds were cute but, I’m sorry … traffic trumps wildlife.  There were a couple of weeks last month when there were so many squirrel carcasses scattered across the streets that it was difficult to maneuver around them.  There’s a road in the next county known as ‘Possum Splat’!  There are Roadkill-Salvaging Laws on the books in at least seven U.S. States.  Maybe folks in big cities don’t realize that “Roadkill” is a fact of life but, where I live, hitting the brakes to avoid killing a chipmunk can get you rear-ended.

I can only imagine the untold gallons of gasoline that were wasted and emissions released into the atmosphere because of these birds.  How many kids had to wait extra long at daycare, dogs didn’t get walked and dinners got cold?  Tax dollars paid for the police escort!  There were even news helicopters following them and the story made international headlines!

The drama had a happy ending for the geese, since the little ones can’t yet fly and ended up safely in a suburban neighborhood, but not necessarily for the motorists … more than one of which I would imagine was suffering from Goose Induced Road Rage.

Would you be upset by a traffic jam caused by birds on the road?

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4 Comments
  1. Arg permalink

    You insufferable boob, traffic never trumps living beings.

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    • Surely, you agree that the safety of the thousands of human motorists on that freeway trumps the safety of the seven birds.

      Of course, there will always be those drivers who choose to slam on their brakes and get hit by the car behind them in order to avoid smashing a chipmunk that MIGHT run under their tire.

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  2. thedogs'mother permalink

    At our loverly park, when you drive by the goose pond, the geese lay in wait. Ready, set, AMBLE and they cross the road in a long line that just keeps going and going. Since there is a highway that you can take into the next town the decision to brave the Goose Pond Pomp and Procession is a choice and is always exasperatingly amusing.
    I would not have wanted to be on that bridge but I also would not have wanted to be the one to plow into the family.

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  3. If you tested my response time, I think my foot would hit the brake faster for any wildlife or child rather than for any adult human. I’d still hit the brake for an adult human, but I’d hesitate just that little bit…
    May the geese and the children inherit the Earth.

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