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Diatribe: Buying Zombie Bullets To Prepare For Zombie Apocalypse?

06/12/2012

“Always be prepared” is the famous motto of the Boy Scouts of America and mothers across the nation.  From an early age we’re taught to know what to do in most any emergency and to have the tools and supplies necessary to weather through any storm.  It’s certainly good advice and has inspired others to utter their own words of wisdom.  For example …

“Wear clean underwear in case you’re in a car accident and they take you to the hospital.” – Most Grandmothers

“Tuck a twenty-dollar bill into your shoe for emergencies when you travel.” – Parent of Child Leaving On First Overnight Field Trip.

“Hide a spare key under a rock or a flower pot for when you lock yourself out of the house.” – Father of Forgetful Child.

“Always carry a condom in your wallet.” – Drunken Frat Brother

“Keep a supply of drinking water in your storm cellar.” – Paranoid Farmhand

And, most recently …

“Make sure you keep a supply of zombie bullets on hand.” – Crackpot Idiots

Yes, it’s true.  In response to recent bouts of bath-salt-sniffing drug induced cannibalism, folks are stocking up on a new type of specially engineered zombie bullets.  A Nebraska-based ammunition maker is selling a line of Z-Max zombie bullets as “specifically designed to vaporize zombie varmints.”  Their bullets are built, according to their marketing materials to “make dead permanent.”

But before rushing out to stock up before a Zombie Apocalypse takes place, it’s important to know that the product is more of a gag than anything else.  The bullets are mostly an item reflecting the company owner’s love of zombie flicks … plus some clever and timely marketing.  Company spokespeople have been very specific in noting that “the ammunition is to be used only on targets, and definitely not on people — undead or otherwise.”  Quite the disclaimer.

“There’s a sucker born every minute.” – George Hull (Not P.T. Barnum)

I, for one, am not prepared for a zombie apocalypse.  Perhaps I should buy bullets before they sell out.

Copyright © 2012 www.DiatribesAndOvations.com
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9 Comments
  1. Just what we need: crazies with access to bullets and firearms.

    Like

  2. What you need FIRST is a way cool, super badass, postapocalyptic nickname. Mine’s Omni Thug. You can get yours here:
    http://rubberchickensociety.wordpress.com/2012/06/12/rcs-creates-badass-mad-max-style-post-apocalyptic-nickname-generator-6/.

    Like

  3. I have never and will never understand the obsession over zombies. I just don’t get it.. LOL

    Like

  4. HAHA! Great post but I’m trying to figure out which is worse the paranoid farmhand or the crackpot idiots. 😀

    Like

  5. Hahahaha!!!! That bath salts thing did have me thinking zombie apocalypse for like a day!

    Like

  6. Stiletto Noose! Ha,ha,ha,ha

    Like

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