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Diatribe: Paying To Have Dirty Dishes Delivered To My Home Seems Really Stupid.


I love to host dinner parties.  I enjoy using my good dishes and serving plates, my coasters and special napkins, and I really enjoy a good meal.  Hors d’oeuvres are always served with a cocktail or a nice glass of wine before we sit down to enjoy a salad (frequently a Caesar Salad “kit” from the cooler way in the back of the produce section).  The main course is “presented” because our table isn’t large enough to pass a lot of serving bowls and what little space we have is occupied by a lovely napkin-lined basket of fresh rolls (from the bakery at the supermarket).  Serving creative meats (cut and assembled by the butchers at said supermarket) like “sirloin pinwheels” with steamed green beans (“pierce to vent before microwaving”) and gourmet pasta dishes (supermarket deli) is an old stand-by.  Finally, we enjoy a delicious and elaborately decorated dessert (supermarket bakery) and our meal is complete.

A wonderful and effortless experience.  The astute reader among you has, surely, noticed that no actual cooking has taken place.  While I could wear an apron, break a sweat, or leave dishes in the sink to create the illusion that hard work was required to prepare for dinner I’m, frankly, all about the cocktails and the dessert.

Hosts and hostesses in the United Kingdom can use to have restaurant quality cuisine delivered right to their door.  And they’ve recently introduced a new service … they now deliver dirty dishes for added authenticity!  Their meals are cooked by professional chefs and now customers can impress their guests by telling them how much effort went into the wonderful dinner while showing them the state of their messy kitchen!  Apparently, customers who had been lying to their guests and taking credit for the “homemade” meals, requested that dirty dishes be delivered as well for added authenticity.  So for an additional charge, they send dirty pans, too, and return to retrieve them at a later date.

My system of hiding the deli plates and smashing the dessert boxes creates just the illusion that I want to present.  My guests are not stupid.  They’ve met me … and they’re quite correct in assuming that I will not be preparing “crème de” or “caramelized” anything in my lifetime.  I’ve never tried to impress anyone with my culinary skills and, frankly, I like a clean kitchen whenever I have company.  I want to spend my time visiting with my friends and not working over the stove.

Perhaps, at my next dinner party, I’ll leave some pots and pans laying about.  Not sure how a messy kitchen makes for a more realistic meal but it might be a fun experiment.  Of course, no one will believe that I actually cooked anything.

Would you pay to have dirty dishes delivered?

Copyright © 2012

From → Diatribes

  1. I think I may have finally heard everything.

    I’m one of those that likes to cook everything from start to finish. I don’t find it a bother or too much work because I actually enjoy it.

    So, I wouldn’t order in a dinner and certainly wouldn’t order in the dirty dishes!


  2. This is awesome!!


  3. Anonymous permalink

    I used to throw dinner parties. I haven’t done so in a while, and do miss it. But I did all of the cooking, and remember about 2 hours before each dinner party why I only had one about twice a year. It was quite stressful. I like the dirty dishes idea. I’ll totally do that if I ever have one again.


  4. Great blog! Especially the part about leaving pots and pans out in the open during a dinner party.
    Once I was running way behind and just before guests arrived I swooped up all the dirty pots and pans in a trash bag, tied the knot and tossed them in the pantry. A “very helpful” guest carried out the trash, and at midnight I was digging through the dumpster.


  5. I would definitely not pay to have dirty dishes delivered to my home! I would love it if someone would come in & cater the meal though. Although the last time I had a dinner, our eldest daughter & her new spouse came at Easter & we all cooked together – they begged to be allowed to help which was all fine & dandy with me! It was great to have great conversation while preparing the meal & continuing on to the dinner table.


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