Diatribe: GUEST POST! Add One More To The Most Ridiculous Lawsuits List!
We’ve all read or heard about some ridiculous lawsuit or another that just left us scratching our collective heads. Like the woman who sued McDonalds because the coffee she spilled on herself was hot and burned her. What? Coffee is hot? Say it ain’t so.
Here’s a look at the latest frivolous, ridiculous, preposterous lawsuit that will not only leave your head spinning, but might have you fuming in your morning coffee. Don’t spill it, I mean unless you’re sitting at a fast-food restaurant.
Here’s the setup: 83-year-old Evelyn Paswall couldn’t pass through a wall, er, specifically a glass door at an Apple store in a mall out on Long Island. Seems that Apple keeps their doors very, very clean, free from smudges and fingerprints and similar things that serve as notice that there’s a GLASS DOOR IN FRONT OF YOU!
Anyway, Evelyn pulled the old “bluebird crashing into plate glass window trick” and broke her nose when she ran into a door she claims she didn’t see. I’m kind of amazed that Apple doesn’t use doors that see you coming like every other high-traffic store does, but I’m not here to make Evelyn’s case for her.
Anyway, I don’t want to make this about aging and failing eyesight, but for the sake of argument, let’s. First off, she’s 83-years-old. What the heck is a person that old doing at a mall in the first place, let alone anywhere near an Apple store? Malls are for tweens and teens and the soccer moms who are there to retrieve them!
Also, and I’m sorry if this is a little mean, but she’s 83-years-old. She claims to have excellent eyesight, citing that she still drives! I’m sorry, but if you’re old enough to remember when there weren’t cars, perhaps you’re too old to still be driving. Let’s face the truth here and all agree that eyes just don’t hold up like brand new when they’re a third of the way through their ninth decade.
At the insistence of her ambulance-chaser, Evelyn is now suing Apple for a modest $1 million, claiming $75,000 in medical expenses and the rest in pain and suffering. Excuse me, but $75,000 in medical expenses? Did they send a helicopter, take her to the Caribbean, and do some gold-plated rhinoplasty?
I’m telling you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth when I say I’d let an entire Apple store punch me in the face, twice, for half that amount. Right out of the gate I’d save Apple 50 percent.
So, here’s my layman’s advice to Apple: toss a new iPad her direction and call it good. Just don’t hit her in the nose with it.
All kidding aside, this lawsuit is the real deal and stands as proof that we are willing to sue anyone, at anytime, for any reason. What happened to taking personal responsibility for spilling your own coffee in your own lap, or running yourself into a door that is very hard to miss?
Have we all fallen off our collective rockers? Has our entitlement society veered so far off course that earning a living and pulling our own weight has given way to trying to land that big, fat, juicy, tax-free settlement check as a means of enjoying our senior years? Will it be only a matter of days before someone sues the Mega Millions lottery for spending their rent money trying to win last week’s $640 million jackpot?
Judges need to kick these cases out of court and chastise lawyers for acting like gold diggers. Rich companies need to stop making out of court settlements and start giving opportunists the middle finger. And adults need to start acting like adults, especially when they do stupid things like running into doors, even if they break their noses doing so.
Tagg writes for CableTV.com. He typically writes about law and technology. When he’s not writing, he’s an avid golfer & family man. You can follow him on Twitter @CableTV.