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Diatribe: Is That A Monkey In Your Pants Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

09/12/2012

For Christmas in 2011, I travelled to Wisconsin for a family reunion.  I had shipped all of my gifts ahead of time so that I wouldn’t have much to carry as I trekked my way through the various airports involved in my trip.  Airport security had been strengthened to historic levels as a result of the tragedies of 09/11/0.  I didn’t want to be detained or questioned so I packed just one small piece of carry-one luggage.

Although everyone’s emotions were at peak levels, we enjoyed a wonderful holiday together and it was comforting to be in each others’ company after the stress of the preceding months.  When it was finally time to part, I was able to fit all of the gifts that I had received into my small carry-on bag.  Unfortunately, one of the gifts was a beautiful pocket watch and matching pocketknife combination in a beautiful wooden box.  It was a beautiful gift.  Unfortunately, it didn’t occur to me that bringing a knife onto a commercial flight was no longer allowed.  The folks at airport security allowed me to keep the pocket watch and the wooden box but not the pocketknife.  I watched them toss my Christmas gift into a box with other newly forbidden items.  I didn’t argue because I didn’t want to appear belligerent or look like a smuggler.  Who would purposefully try to bring a knife onto a flight after all the nation had just experienced?

Unfortunately, some people really are smugglers.

Recently, three men were arrested in an Indian airport after one of them was allegedly caught with a monkey in his underwear.  The men stand accused of smuggling a slender lorise, a chipmunk-sized primate that is frequently trafficked to be sold as pets.  The men were apprehended by airport security when a routine pat-down revealed that one of them had a suspiciously large bulge in his trousers that turned out to be one of the little critters.  A second animal was found abandoned in a nearby trash can.

To this day, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) works diligently to keep our airports and airplanes safe for passengers by screening and scanning every passenger and piece of luggage that boards a plane.  It would be just my luck to be in line behind the guy with a monkey in his underwear and I can only imagine the stories that TSA employees get to tell at family reunions.

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6 Comments
  1. A live monkey in your drawers can be fun….at a party, not on a long flight.

    Just sayin’.

    Like

  2. I am wincing. I hope monkey see monkey do does not apply here.

    Like

  3. It is always a good idea to keep a self addressed, stamped bubble pack envelope on you when flying so that you can ship random items you want to keep home if they are forbidden on a flight.

    Many ladies I know on craft lists told tales of various things from knitting needles to tiny scissors being banned and saving themselves the heart ache of “losing” things by packing them in such an envelope and mailing the banned item[s] back home.

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  4. Bill Maher showed this on his New Rules last night. He said remember, these monkeys have bad eyesight and love bananas, so not the best of ideas….

    Like

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