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Diatribe: What Not To Do When You Win The Lottery – #1) Blow Yourself Up.

02/19/2013

ExplosionHave you ever wondered “What would I do if I won the lottery”?  I do.  And I find myself thinking about it every time the Powerball jackpot reaches a record size or someone is in the news for receiving an unexpected windfall.  I like to think I’d share my winnings with friends and family and, to celebrate, go on a world cruise while my new castle is being built.  I wouldn’t be overly extravagant (except for the castle … and the ranch … and the jet) but I would certainly learn to splurge a little more often.  I vow that I will be “smart” about how I put the money to good use.

I’m reasonably certain, however, that I would not blow myself up.

Last Friday, two brothers in Wichita, Kansas, celebrated a $75,000 winning scratch-off lottery ticket by using a part of the winnings to buy marijuana and methamphetamines.  One of the brothers went to the kitchen to refill the butane lighters that they planned to use to light their bongs and emptied two large cans of lighter fluid in the process, leaking fumes into the air.  Naturally, when the butane vapors reached the pilot light of a nearby furnace the resulting explosion was quite large.

The 27-year-old victim was unceremoniously and anonymously dropped off by car at a nearby hospital where second-degree burns on his hands, arms and chest were treated.  When officers later arrived at the house with a warrant, his brother ran out, admitted that he had marijuana and methamphetamine and was quickly arrested.

“People … please … fill your lighters outside when you use them to smoke bongs after buying a winning scratch-off lottery ticket.” – DiatribesAndOvations.com

After winning the lottery there are many things that you should not do.  Among them, and at the top of my list, is a destructively life-threatening explosion resulting from sheer stupidity.

In my dreams, when I win a big jackpot, there is never an explosion.  When I celebrate, I imagine there will be sun-kissed shirtless ranch hands bringing me icy rum drinks as I sit in the shade of my castle.  There will be no refillable lighters.

Interestingly, the injured brother was wearing a brand new lottery T-shirt when he blew himself up.  Is it wrong that I find this ironically amusing?

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18 Comments
  1. Thanks for the warning, D&O. Because of course, that’s just how I planned to celebrate my winnings 😉

    Like

  2. This is your life as a Lottery winner.
    This is your life as a drug addicted Lottery winner.
    Get the message?

    Like

  3. i promise i will not blow myself up if i win a lot of money. i’d be more than happy to watch over the winnings of anybody who wants to blow themselves up. for a small fee 😉

    Like

  4. I need to win the lottery

    Like

  5. I haven’t even read your post yet. I’m still laughing at the title.

    Like

  6. “In my dreams, when I win a big jackpot, there is never an explosion. When I celebrate, I imagine there will be sun-kissed shirtless ranch hands bringing me icy rum drinks as I sit in the shade of my castle. There will be no refillable lighters.” This says it all – icy rum drinks as I sit in the shade of my – can mine be a villa instead of a castle because I’d like to live in a warmer climate & I think a villa would work better.

    Like

  7. This could be a new line to the Alannis Morrisette song “Isn’t it Ironic?”

    Like

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