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Diatribe: The Hamburger That Looks Fresh Fourteen Years Later.


old-hamburgerI can’t stand litter in my car.  There is never anything on the floor boards or in the back seat.  The trunk contains a few of those “green” grocery bags and an umbrella but, other than that, my car looks like it could be for sale on a used car lot.  Partly due to the fear that an unscrupulous soul might see something in my car that they find valuable enough to break a window to retrieve thus resulting in great expense and inconvenience and partly because I spent many years as a college student driving in a sort of dumpster on wheels.

Of course, the White Castle Incident of 1982 may also have contributed to my clean car condition.  Suffice it to say that the goons with whom I worked at the time thought it funny to search the parking lot for cars that were unlocked so that they might insert a small White Castle burger under the driver’s seat of each.  The fun would commence days later when the smell of the aging hidden sandwich would begin to consume the vehicle.  For weeks, my colleagues were heard complaining of unexplained odors as they arrived for work.  Apparently, the shenanigans would not have been successful had the perpetrators utilized a hamburger from McDonalds.

In July, 1999, David Whipple bought a McDonald’s hamburger as a prop in his work as a salesman of dietary supplements.  Thinking the meat would deteriorate, his intention was to use the hamburger as an example of how enzymes work but the hamburger wouldn’t spoil.  The hamburger, wrapped in its original paper, sack and receipt, ended up in Whipple’s coat pocket where it was forgotten for years.  Besides the pickle, which disintegrated, the rest of the hamburger still appears edible nearly fourteen years after it was purchased.

Perhaps because of its small size and relatively large surface area the burger was able to lose moisture very quickly and, without moisture, there is no mold or bacterial growth.

“No fungus, no mold, no smell.  The bun hasn’t done anything except get hard.  It’s hard as a rock.” – David Whipple

Whipple has declined offers to pay as much as $5,000 for his old hamburger (a radio station on the East Coast wanted to buy it and have a disc jockey microwave it and then eat it at a promotional event) but he keeps it in a tin shaped like a hamburger … an appropriate sarcophagus for his mummified sandwich.

I survived the White Castle Incident of 1982 without olfactory damage.  You see, as an unwilling accomplice I was certain that my car remained locked and, consequently, I was spared the wrath of the pranksters.  I wonder how long those sandwiches lasted …


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From → Diatribes

  1. I think Burger King served me one of those the other day.


  2. Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww! I’ll never look at a McDonalds burger the same way ever again!


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