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Diatribe: Vanilla Caramel Methamphetamine Ice Cream.


VanillaCaramelMethLast night I cheated on my diet.  After feeling that I had done an extremely good job of staying close to being on my diet over the Thanksgiving weekend I found myself having a quick dinner at Dairy Queen.  I try not to make an issue of my diet and, generally, can find something to eat on just about any menu so when the group suggested “DQ” I set my mind to a quick nibble and then back in the car.  But the conversation was good and we lingered long enough for my willpower to fail in response to one of my biggest vices … a Mint Oreo Blizzard.

I quickly finished my small meal and, although my diet suggests that I walk away from the table, the conversation continued and I found myself back at the counter ordered a “mini” blizzard for myself and a Turtle Pecan Blizzard for someone else.  The clerk gave me a number, told me to have a seat and someone would bring the food to my table.

Several long minutes passed when a somewhat unpleasant young woman brought two small cups to the table.  One was a sloppy brown mess and the other was not green as a Mint Oreo Blizzard connoisseur such as I is certain that one should be.  Not wanting to cause a fuss, and knowing that I really shouldn’t have ordered ice cream anyway, I figured I’d just take the wrong ice cream and try to enjoy a few bites.  But the brown sloppy mess wasn’t something that I wanted my friend to endure so I insisted that both treats be replaced.

Last Friday, Steven Fitch of Spokane Valley, Washington, had a much bigger problem with his ice cream.  When he was pulled over for a traffic violation, deputies noticed that he had a white, creamy-looking substance on his hands.  There was a quart of Dreyer’s vanilla caramel ice cream in the center console of the sixty-year-old man’s vehicle and, inside of the ice cream a deputy found a plastic bag that later tested positive for methamphetamine.

According to police, Fitch tried several times to convince the deputy that he had no idea how the meth got into his ice cream.  Fitch, who has five prior drug convictions, was arrested and charged with possession of a controlled substance and driving with a suspended license.

“He found some meth in some ice cream, but he didn’t have no search warrant or nothing.  I didn’t give him permission to search the vehicle.” – Steven Fitch.

Fitch claims that he uses meth because he has low energy, and he’s concerned that his rights were violated in the traffic stop.  But, according to news reports, the deputy had probable cause to search the car because Fitch reached into the center console when he was not asked to.  Apparently, this was when he shoved his drugs into his ice cream.

We, eventually, got the ice cream that we ordered last night and the second employee was much more friendly and apologetic than the first who, apparently, had no idea that Mint Oreo Blizzards are supposed to be green.

I ate every bite and I’m doing my best to live with the guilt.


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From → Diatribes

  1. Vanilla Caramel Methamphetamine Ice Cream?
    No nuts, though, right. I’m allergic.



  2. Well, it *is* Spokane…


  3. Not a good combo. The meth kills your appetite so all that yummy ice-cream just goes to waste which I guess is better then going to your waist.


  4. Sorry about your DQ experience. Maybe their servers are taking the meth.


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